"They say humans can't outrun bears, but I'm marketing this to people who believe they can"

"These pointy metal pulls feel great on the hands. Plus, they're freezing in winter"

"I had a recurring nightmare that a U.F.O. towed the Arc de Triomphe away. The only way I could get it out of my head was to make it"

"This was designed so that one person could sit on the flat-top half of the bench, and another person can straddle the other half and stare creepily at the first person's side"

"My tasteful 'Braille Hanging Wall Flat System' doesn't actually say anything in Braille. Awesome, right? Next I'm getting a sofa mocked up to look like a non-functioning wheelchair ramp"

Written on the wall next to this checked box: "I don't know what to do with my money"

"This is our second version of this concept. (The first one came under fire for accidentally appearing anti-Semitic)"

"I wanted to render one quarter of the tabletop useless, while reminding me of Q-Bert"

To tell you the truth, readers, I actually could see myself using this. (But don't worry, I hate myself for it)

"My goal was to design a tabletop that would not only lead to broken glassware, but would make it impossible to clean the glass shards off of."