A coiling snake-like lamp in Sweden is waiting to judge you or reward you greatly for your self control on Valentine's Day. It won't judge your overpacking, and it won't reward how well you've laminated the itineraries. No. This bedside-lamp connected to WiFi cares about one thing—human sacrifice, in the form of not using the Internet.

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Have self control for a single evening and the "Check Out Suite" inside Hotel Bellora is yours for free. Use the Internet for 2 hours (or for 30 minutes X 4 people), and the wifi-sensing lamp will gradually turn red, indicating that your family will be charged the full price of the room.

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This well-intended marketing stunt begins now with applications open until February 6 for a chance to stay in the Check Out Suite on the night of February 14. Combine the digital cleansing trend already happening in 2019 with a snaky red lamp and a hotel room in Gothenburg Sweden, and we get a pretty sweet horror movie parody. For fun, I wrote that parody:

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A woman in NYC pretends to sleep. Her husband sighs next to her: laptop brightness maxed-out. It's 2 am. Lightning strikes. He sees this:

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He enters. A week passes. An email arrives—the whole family is going to Sweden.

Upon arrival, they are soon mysteriously picked off one by one in the order they post Instagram stories. The last victim finds a phone with a video that could solve everything. There are hissing noises coming from it. Just as they realize, it's too late. The lamp, glowing red, already coils around them. It's WiFi bar eyes tick down from 3 to 0. The hotel staff laughs in the corner.

"You shouldn't have shared that meme."
Fade to black.

The Check Out Suite.

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