In an effort to shorten human domination of this planet, the DARPA Robotics Challenge Finals start next week. Competing robots will naviguate a simulated disaster-response course; the competition claims to foster the development of "robots capable of assisting humans in responding to natural and man-made disasters," which will give them a distinct advantage when they rise up against us and create robot-made disasters.

As one example, let's look at Boston Dynamics' terrifyingly upgraded ATLAS robot. First watch the video, then we'll translate the on-screen explanations into what they're really saying—and what it means for our species:

What they said: "ATLAS Unplugged is the upgrade to ATLAS to allow it to run entirely on batteries.

What this means: "Previously you could disable a marauding robot by simply unplugging it. We have removed that design flaw."

"It does not require a safety tether to hold itself up."

"Now this robot can go wherever the hell it wants."

"That safety line is not going to be there anymore."

"THAT SAFETY LINE IS NOT GOING TO BE THERE ANYMORE."

"The robot is much quieter than it was before."

"We have added stealth capability so that you won't hear it coming."

"It also is [now] a little bit stronger so that it can better get off of the ground if it falls."

"If you knock it down, it can get back up."

"The arms have been repositioned on the robot. The shoulders have been flipped over and the arms are now lower."

"We felt it would be more terrifying to give it a more alien anatomy."

"We will have a new set of electric forearms."

"We will have a new set of electric forearms that may or may not be able to fire powerful, concentrated beams of pure energy with unerring accuracy and devastating results."

"The robots are going to have to do all of these tasks in sequence without any human help."

"We've opted to give this powerful, coordinated and emotionless machine complete autonomy."

"There won't be any possibility for a person to intervene."

"THERE WON'T BE ANY POSSIBILITY FOR A PERSON TO INTERVENE."

Judgement Day starts on June 5th. So feel free to start running up your credit card bill now, because you're probably not going to ever have to pay it off.