As we interact with the material world, there are certain moments that are almost indescribably satisfying -- moments when the nexus point of subject, object, and human being resonates with a sort of equilateral, zero-sum perfection that's enough to make even the staunchest atheist momentarily wonder if perhaps there might be a Supreme Whatsis at work after all. The beauty of such moments is underscored by their simplicity -- hitting a baseball just so on the sweet spot of the bat, say, or snapping the lid shut on a can of Band-Aids, or dumping all the Scrabble letters off of the board and into the box at the end of a game.
To this list we may now add squeezing the main handle on a Shur-Krimp Ratchet Press, a light-industrial gizmo that looks like a cross between a can opener and a staple gun. It's designed for an extremely specialized use, which we'll get to in a moment, but it would qualify as a superior product even if it had no specific function, simply by virtue of the beautiful ratchet action of its primary handle. Almost all ratchet tools are pleasing to use, but the Shur-Krimp is special -- squeeze the handle down toward its base and you're rewarded with 11 crisp Click! sounds, followed by a small metallic Ping! as the lock mechanism releases, and then a sort of Zip! as the handle returns to its original position. It's all so smooth, and it feels so right, that it soon becomes addictive.
And just what is this splendid gadget used for? Get this -- it's for sealing money bags. Here's how it works: First, get yourself a canvas money bag and grab it around the neck at the point where you want it sealed (if you don't have a money bag, just grab a pillowcase, your boss's throat, whatever). Then take a Griplock sealing strip, which is sort of like a high-tech twist-tie -- it's basically a strip of thin plastic, about 10 inches long, with a little plastic cartridge at one end. Wrap it around the neck of the bag, inserting the plain end through the cartridge at the other end, and pull to remove any slack. At this point, the strip is closed around the bag, but it isn't sealed; one good yank and it would open up. That's where the Shur-Krimp comes in -- position its jaws over the sealing strip's plastic cartridge and use both hands to pull the handle all the way down. Eleven clicks, one ping, and one zip later, a permanent crimp has been stamped into the cartridge, locking the sealing strip into place and thereby protecting all your loot.
While money bags have been on the decline in our increasingly cashless society, the Y2K nightmare just might move our economy back toward analog money (or gold, or gems, or acorns), so the Shur-Krimp may soon become a very hot item. In fact, the Shur-Krimp is the ideal Y2K security blanket, because even if our electronic civilization is crumbling around us, I know I'll feel okay as long as I can still keep squeezing that cool ratchet handle. (E.J. Brooks Company, 164 N. 13th St., Newark, NJ 07107; 800-458-SEAL)
