When I was growing up, I would often take the train from my Long Island hometown to New York City, and my favorite part of the trip was when the conductors came by to punch everyone's ticket. The hole punchers they used weren't like the ones we had in school -- they were heavier, more industrial-looking, and instead of producing a circular punch, they left a crisp, abstract squiggle, like the shape of some obscure third-world country. The conductors wielded these hole punchers as if they were highly sophisticated tools, and placed them in little leather holsters on their belts after completing a round of ticket-punching. It all seemed incredibly cool.
A few decades later, I finally have my own industrial hole puncher. It's a gorgeous die-cast model from a Florida operation called M.C. Mieth Manufacturing, which has been making hole punchers for over 50 years. With its sleek curves and magnificently weighty construction, my puncher is an ideal marriage of form and function: nickel-plated steel ("buffed to a high luster," as the firm's promotional materials say), a spring-action handle, and a hard-steel pivot pin, all of which adds up to an immensely satisfying piece of equipment. It fits snugly in the hand, and it's almost impossible to hold it without having the urge to squeeze it, which in turn produces a rather addictive "Click!" sound. It's all so perfectly realized that I sometimes find myself walking around the house with it, clicking away for no particular reason.
And, lest we forget, it can punch a mean hole. Although my model makes a circular punch, instead of an abstract squiggle, it's just about the cleanest, sharpest circle imaginable. The tool is so precision-engineered, the punching process so ruthlessly efficient, that the paper doesn't stand a chance.
M.C. Mieth's website, which promises "to supply all your hand punching needs and solve all your punching problems," is almost as much fun as the product itself. You can check out the company's complete line of punchers and also see a nice assortment of accessories, including security chains, finger loops, and, yes, leather holsters. And if you want your hole puncher to make abstract shapes, just like the train conductors, M.C. Mieth offers a dizzying array of squiggle patterns to choose from -- a whopping 1600 shapes in all.
It's probably worth mentioning here that I have no particular need for a hole puncher. But that's okay -- like so many classically inconspicuous products, this one is just nice to have around. And if I ever want to pursue a career as a train conductor, I figure I've already got a head start.
(M.C. Mieth Manufacturing, Inc., P.O. Box 291129, Port Orange, FL 32129-1129; 904-767-3494)