Body Glue, 3-oz. container

(BeautiControl Cosmetics, Inc.)

Call me crazy, but when my socks lose their elasticity and begin to sag down toward my ankles, I figure it's time to buy new socks. If my underwear starts riding up my butt, I figure either I've bought the wrong size, they've shrunk in the wash, or I need to lose some weight. If my shirttails begin to come loose, I figure I must not have tucked them in properly.

This all sounds like common sense to me, but not to the folks at BeautiControl Cosmetics, a Texas mail-order house. They have a simple solution for clothes that won't stay put: *Glue them into place.*

That solution comes in the form of Body Glue, a water-soluble adhesive packaged in a roll-on applicator identical to the ones used for deodorants. If your bra strap insists on flopping down or your strapless dress won't behave, just roll a little Body Glue onto your skin, press the garment in place, sit still for three minutes, and then go out and face the world brimming with, uh, confidence. In fact, you should soon be feeling confident enough to be adhering all sorts of clothing and accessories to yourself -- according to the literature on the package, Body Glue is ideal for use on shoulder pads, collars, cuffs, slips, bustiers, wigs and toupees, bathing suit bottoms, and even earrings.

I wanted to take Body Glue for a test drive, but my clothes don t tend to shift too much. So instead I just applied some Body Glue to my forehead and stuck a small-ish piece of fabric there. Sure enough, it stayed put, and continued to do so as I spent the next half-hour feeding the cats, opening my mail, making some toast, and so on. Of course, I could have accomplished the same thing with a piece of Scotch tape, which makes you wonder how much Body Glue the BeautiControl people can be selling at $25 a pop. Still, for those who truly want to bond with their wardrobes, here's a way to be tacky in two ways at once. (BeautiControl Cosmetics, Inc., P.O. Box 815189, Dallas, TX 75381; 800-232-8841)