Core77

Want to fly with us? Then lose weight!

By Rain Noe - June 11, 2008

in Object Culture

You guys catch that season finale of Lost, where the 'copter starts running out of fuel? "Jettison everything that isn't nailed down!" yells the pilot, hoping the weight savings will keep them aloft. As a Times article reveals, these days the major airlines are also trying to lighten their aircraft, to conserve expensive fuel. Designs for lighter seats and drink carts are not enough; airlines have started washing engines after each flight (accumulated dirt gets heavy), filling bathroom sinks with less water, and are even debating lightening the dictionary-sized pilot's manuals! Now folks, we all know the airlines don't love us--to them, we're basically freight that complains--so how long will it be before they push these desired weight changes on us, the passengers? Core77's suggestions for how to lighten plane loads

- Immediately prior to boarding, force all passengers to use bathroom
- Ban all loose change on flights
- Rip out the half-finished crossword puzzles on in-flight magazines
- Only hire former jockeys for flight attendants
- Replace heavy peanuts with much lighter popcorn
- Encourage passengers to diet in weeks leading up to flight
- Fasting monks or political protesters receive better seating
- Each passenger must carry at least 3 helium balloons (the buoyancy adds up)